(updated daily, for 10 days)

Depending on your situation,

this can be taken ironically or unironically...

Welcome to an essential how-to to anyone seeking self-destruction

Day 1:

Acquire a heart of steel -

No longer have empathy for all the people you care, nay,

used to care abouut.
Oh man, think of all the joy you'll experience not having to deal with complaints and rants your friend would share/burden you with hahahahah

No longer do you need to spare a thought and think if what you're doing will hurt their feelings. Better yet, know that it'll hurt their feelings and do whatever it is you want to do --

like not replying to their seemingly urgent texts although you actually have so much spare time on your hands. Deliberately like their photos on social media too!

That is sure to break their hearts because you have such a heightened sense of sensitivity and people always said, "Treat others the way you want to be treated."

and since this is something you hate,

they must really hate it too.

this is a really good trick except you might still end up feeling horrible,

especially when your friends reach out to you

and that old saying keeps ringing in your head.

also, they might not even feel a thing if you pull this on them cuz

they're perfectly fine with it,

i mean they must be,

since they do it to you all the time!

Day 2:

Exit chat groups -

Yes, a clear passive aggressive manner to easily communicate to your ex-group-of-friends that you guys are no longer friends. 

Since you all don't even meet each other,

most communication is kept strictly on social media platforms/messaging apps so,

welcome to the best way of burning bridges in the digital age woo! 

If you are reallllllyyyyy passive aggressive and are set on severing ties,

block them from your private instagram account! Cuz somehow numbers and following these days are the epitome of friendship. 

Day 3:

Be an outright dick -

Disregard them as a friend and make no effort to speak/meet up with them. 

Write a passive aggressive blog post titled:

how to lose all your friends in 10 days

Try to forget them. 

Delete old photos.

Not wish them 'happy birthday' on their birthday. 

Ignore them when you see them around. 

fjffffffffffffffffffffjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjffffjfjjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjfjfj

Why is it so hard to take a breath

When it is all that's left?

/

Have you ever felt so hurt that it physically hurts?

And no, it doesn't feel like someone has ripped your heart out but

a sort of soreness runs through your veins to your fingers and ribcage

and it isn't unbearable,

it just makes you feel all the more weak. 

/

I look around myself,

searching desperately for something, anything,

for my last strands of hope to latch onto.

But nothing showed up,

no one showed up in my head

as I contemplate my final breaths.

Nothing carried the weight they used to.

This night,

I became the most convincing person I know,

there is no turning back now.

/

I think I found out

that I have nothing

That I have nothing

in this place for me

I played it all in my head

Perfect sense

/

I rediscovered The Office this week. I kept hearing about the show here and there on YouTube and decided to watch it a while back and completed season 1 but lost interest in it??? Started watching season 2 a few days ago and I WAS OBSESSED. I was laughing (really disgustingly might I add) at every episode and I love the small arcs each character has. I like how it's slightly anthological so you won't have the burden of committing to it and have to watch it in an entire stretch, yet every episode is only 22 minutes short, making it more forgiving on yourself if you binge watch. Plus, the fact that every episode doesn't end on an over-dramatic cliffhanger scene is a bonus and makes it so much less exhausting to watch. 

I just finished The Merger episode on season 3 and so far I haven't been enjoying season as much as I had for season 2 but hey let's see where this Pam and Jim relationship goes (although I've already caught some inevitable spoilers of them dating/getting married considering the series ended 4 years ago) 

I would say my favourite characters would be Michael Scott, Jim Halpert, and Toby. 

I mean Michael is so eccentric but he is completely honest. He explicitly shows his insecurities in ways that are mostly cringey which makes it very entertaining. But no matter how much of an asshole he is, you can relate to his social-awkwardness in an ironically extroverted manner AND HE IS VERY VERY FUNNY. 

Jim is just so goddamn charismatic. The typical kind of guy you'd fall in love with in an office and I love his pranks and all.

I would say Toby is the character I relate to the most, I mean his expressions tho. Extremely empathetic and nice and very very sad and socially introverted deep down. I couldn't stop laughing at the scene where he gives a bro fist to Jim when he returns from the Stamford branch and apologises when Jim was like, "oh, is this a new thing?" Just completely self-conscious and embarrassed by himself, then sinks back into his seat. Me af. 

2. B.J. Novak

So speaking of The Office, he plays Ryan Howard...BUT MORE IMPRESSINGLY HE'S ALSO THE WRITER AND A PRODUCER BEHIND THE SHOW. He also studied Literature in Harvard, wrote 2 NYTimes #1 Bestselling books, including a children's book called A Book with no Pictures, co-created the Li.st app which is an app for people to share lists of anything — what they ate for the day, favourite books, or yknow for more intellectual people - thoughts while scrolling through Instagram. Though not popular, I find it to be a very interesting way of sharing online!!! I don't know, I just feel like I idolise him so much, I feel like his accomplishments are ones I want for myself in the future.

3. Math and also what the fuck am I doing with my life

I feel like I knew what I wanted to be in the future for a few years now. No matter how much I try to convince myself I actually like science, I don't. Deep within me, I know that my interests are geared towards film and writing, narratives related things. This thought has bugged me for quite a few months now: I shouldn't have chosen JC. I know, I know, everyone loves to joke about dropping out of JC but I feel like most of them say that as a sweeping statement because the curriculum gets difficult and rather intense and I can't help but think that it stems from laziness. I mean, I'm no exception but I know that for me, it stems from complete disinterest in what I'm studying and an existing passion in something else. I also want to add I have never seriously considered dropping out have joked about it because it's well a. unrealistic and b. irresponsible as hell. I mean, since I have decided to take on this path, I'd have to complete it no matter how tough it gets. I'm also aware of lots of 'success stories' on dropping out of JC but I don't know man, I just don't really see myself steering towards a different direction right now, considering how my parents would be disapproving and disappointed. Would I have changed my mind and went to study Film in Poly if I had known this would happen..? Highly likely, actually, because at that point there was nothing to lose. But now, there are quite a lot at stake. To be honest, I only chose JC because I had scored decent-average results that could enrol me into an equally decent-average JC that was near my house as compared to a Poly that takes me 2 hours to travel there. And yes, I do think that going to JC is more prestigious, I mean let's be real lol but well, this is what you get in JC. Also, when I enrolled, I was also afraid to take up a hybrid/arts stream due to the supposed impracticality of it but in hindsight I can't really say I regret because I would've taken GELM and I know H2 Literature and H2 Geography would be so difficult to study but thinking about it, Bio and Chem aren't that much better, just that they're more accept-the-facts sort of thing- OMG YOU KNOW WHAT THE MORE I THINK ABOUT IT THE MORE I THINK I SHOULD HAVE JUST TAKEN ARTS STREAM BC studying both science and arts would be difficult but GELM would actually be more interesting. But okay, I shall give myself the benefit of the doubt and convince myself I'm just romanticising arts stream. I absolutely hate how Math is a compulsory subject I mean what the fuck. I was doing my mye revision package on vectors and I genuinely wanted to kms. I know that I'm ungifted in countless aspects of life, but I'm ungifted in math on a whole new level. Sigh sigh sigh. Anyways my senior was right, JC truly allows you to discover yourself more especially showing you what you like/dislike and sheds light on what you truly would want to pursue in the future. Hopefully this shall be a good lesson for myself to make decisions based on my intuition and heart rather than fear. 

4. WTF EMOTIONS 

Back to my old ways, I skipped my math exam..... definitely not proud but ashshjdkdl. Also, I've become a very very skeptical person when getting to know people; I find overly nice people fake and slightly cold people overly mean. I just feel like everything is so ingenuine and there are only a handful of people I can trust. And honestly even the ones I can trust, it still feels like there's a distance and a wall between us that was never there before. I hate this because I feel like my own mental barrier is preventing from truly getting to know some good people. Idk. But I would say, I feel less strongly about things now. I mean idk if that's a good or bad thing really, but it's been easier. Or maybe I'm just suppressing all my emotions, awaiting my inevitable implosion. *insert inverted smiley face*