titbits from my iPhone Notes:
4 April 2016 ―
I realised that if there was one thing I'll be remembered for in my school by my teachers
and my classmates, it would, unfortunately, be how frequently late I am.
It's kind of funny and honestly a little sad to see my friends being so used to my absence from school.
Yet little see the regret, guilt and isolation that come afterwards.
28 April 2016 ―
I'm
Happy
I
Swear
That
I
Am.
31 August 2016 ―
So this is how it goes:
You see I couldn't quite fit the mold
So you decide to let me go
And everything else that was gold
6 September 2016 ―
All the things I've thought of but have slipped my mind.
They crawl back in an intrusive fashion, all at once, and with no mercy.
Too bad it's too late to say them.
Perhaps leaving these words unsaid will be the most selfless thing I'll ever do.
19 September 2016 ―
When will you learn
That you have no more time left
That you cannot afford to screw up again
That you have no more second chances
That you will jeopardise your hopes and dreams at this rate
That you and only you can save yourself
That you have to be strong
That you cannot fall
That time waits for no one and you can't look back
That 33 is not acceptable
That 27 is not acceptable
That --- JC will only be open to the deserving ones
That you cannot give up
When will you learn
19 September 2016 ―
Turned away one too many times
and even the strongest of wills will be dejected and turn around,
just as they were asked to do
Already weak from the start,
I called out to you so many times, too many times
My heart is frail and my patience has been tested and torn apart
How long more will my naivety last me, I do not know
Do not take my kindness for granted
Do not take me for granted
For one day I'll stop giving in
and worst, I'll stop caring
30 September 2016 ―
Maybe you'll find someone like her.
She,
who watched you so intently when you laid your head down to rest,
a sight that gave her a heavy heart.
9 October 2016 ―
When you think of me, I wonder if you'll come here
and take the same path we took many moons ago
13 October 2016 ―
Stale love
It used to taste like strawberries and cream on a hot summer's day
Delightful as a child's candy
A sight as pretty as blossoms descending from above,
adding colour and joy to the dull sky
All of which has unfortunately faltered
It now feels like the bitter taste that grabs onto your tongue when you're unwell
A throbbing headache you can't stand to ignore any longer
The love I have for you has turned stale
17 October 2016 ―
Chinese wordplay
ไน ๆฌข / ๅๆฏ
ๅๅผ / ๆพๆฐ
ๆๆณ / ๅธๅฆ
็ดฏๆฐด / ๆณชไบ
(think about it..)
17 October 2016 ―
If you're lost, you're on your way
Expect difficulty
19 October 2016 ―
I'm the most insecure person I know
20 October 2016 ―
What isn't meant to be, isn't.
26 October 2016 ―
24 November 2016 ―
I just can't seem to think of anyone else.
The end of June, when the sunsets were blazing, our friendship bloomed from a separate mistake
Four hours of non-stop conversation;
of me pouring my heart out, telling you things I never would've thought of saying
Into the wee hours, you listened from 10 kilometres away, while I rested under the lights
Sleepy eyes, the both of us, the next morning
I felt so thankful
The start of July, we sat under the stars together for the first time
and we talked about what, I can't remember, but
I felt so thankful
Since then so many images of sunrises, sunsets and of your face have surfaced
Late August, I'd say the peak of this short-lived journey
Though my spirits have been dampened by the downpour in June,
the breeze in August took the smog with it
We ate, we laughed, we sang
and _ _ _ _ _ _
I felt so thankful
Then one night, under the stars once again
You told me a heart-shattering tale in an ironically cool and calm manner
Your words caught my tongue and I didn't know what to say or what to do
I felt so thankful
your attempts to said goodbye had failed
and you were sitting right there in front of me
What you said reaffirmed how important you were to my life
and how much I loved and needed you
What would I have done at my lowest points?
I felt so thankful
for you
That was when I bought Alfred
Then the storms of mid-September came
Neither of us was ready for them
We were caught up by other schoolwork, other friends, other other things
but each other
We spent less time together and I cannot say I wasn't disappointed
We became more and more wary of each other's words
We fought.
We talked less
I thought more
I started staying up late looking through old pictures we took together
They brought me so much joy at first
Then I realised they were all in the past
Same with old conversations
I went through one year's worth of chitchat between us
and apparently so much has changed
The frequent 'how's the day' has turned into us apologising every odd day
Haha
The way you speak sometimes — aloof and cold
It never fazed me up until recently
Even more recently I've learnt to swallow my voice just to keep them from your ears
I'm sorry but I'm tired
I'm tired of trying and trying again to no avail
I'm tired of crying
Perhaps it's my fault this ship is sinking
Perhaps it's just life with its turn of events
Perhaps we're both too obsessed with the idea of recreating moments and we haven't learnt that it's impossible to do so
I'm sorry, perhaps I'm just taking the easy way out
Now I have no one to call on Saturday nights
Now I have no one to sing with under the stars
Now I have no shelter in the rain
Now I have no shelter in the rain
Now I have lost my best friend
(were we best friends?)
We've hurt each other
We've shared bits of our lives with each other
We've been there for each other
We've made full use out of each other,
I've given and received, you too, have
Now our expiration date has been stamped on;
like transaction time stamps on a passbook
it's running out of space
This three-month short transaction has got to end
it's taking a toll on us
